Give Me Hope Johanna!

Odidiva and the Mother City has now moved to Jozi, eGautini, eGoli die plek van goud. I call this sprawling Metropolis, that should be called the Gauteng Megalopolis, the New York of Africa. No, this is not hyperbole or justification for my move to the thin air of the Highveld. These last couple of weeks Joburg hosted the Channel O Africa Music Awards the equivalent of the popular and highly regarded MTV Video Music Awards and European Music Awards. All the Mother Continent's superstars of Pan-African Pop Culture descended on the city to celebrate the most popular and influential musicians as Fashionista's from the renowned Woman's Wear Daily and Vanity Fair descended on the Pan African Fashion Week held in Melrose Arch to peruse designers that set the trends for the the continent.

  Johannesburg broadcasts all the trendsetting programmes and channels of Africa's youth culture; Vuzu, Trace, MTV Africa, the above mentioned Channel O, Africa Magic; home to the only continental Big Brother franchise and the Face of Africa model search. Yes, albeit by the Afrikaans media giant Naspers/Media24/DSTV/Multichoice to mostly Anglophone countries but it reaches most of Sub-Saharan Africa. It is only challenged by France's Canal Plus but even Francophone Africa's European football supporters prefer Supersport to watch their homegrown stars in the English, French, German and Spanish Leagues.

 

South Africa's biggest tourist and business market flies in from the continental capitals of Lagos, Abuja, Accra, Nairobi, Lusaka, Luanda Cairo, Marrakech, Dakar, Kinshasa, Dar eSalaam. The African Diaspora regularly visits and invests from Washington D.C. , Atlanta, Kingston, London, while old and new friends clock regularly from Sao Paulo, Sydney, Paris, Mumbai, Shanghai, Beijing and Moscow. O.R. Tambo International the busiest airline hub on the continent is clearly by leaps and bounds the leading airport in Africa.

These facts are all important so we can put it into perspective when we look at "The Big Smoke" we call Jozi City. The South African census now names Gauteng  the smallest province the most populous in the nation. Its officially known by international conglomerates the world-over that Johannesburg, the Powerhouse of the Africa, is the gateway to Africa.
Yes, the  new Seventh Wonder of the World is Table Mountain, South Africa's second biggest tourist attraction after the V&A Waterfront. Even The Housewives of Atlanta picked Cape Town over Joburg. But put into perspective Johannesburg is the Sydney to Cape Town's Melbourne, New York City to Cape Town's San Francisco. The streets are paved with gold like London and its not as sexy or historic as the Eternal City of Rome but its ugly Milan that is the industrial and fashion capital of Italy.
Recently I couldn't help but swell with patriotic pride as I travelled 6 floors underground and stood waiting in our very own Underground/Metro waiting for the slick and futuristic Gautrain. I posted a picture I took of Sandton Gautrain station and received over 25 Likes from proud South Africans and even from French Canadians seeing their  Montreal  designed locomotives active in Africa. A friend from Auckland, New Zealand was astounded and envious saying,

" Looks like a lovely train system. Auckland in New Zealand is slowly getting to this point. Our Britomart station is similar to this. Enjoy your time there.
October 27 at 10:18pm "

The Gautrain travelled deeper down and  then up into the sunshine past Alexandra, celebrating 150years and sped passed a grandiose replica of the infamous Sophia Basilica now Mosque in Istanbul as its four turrets towered  majestically over the Midrand. We raced into Centurion over freeways and brimmed with pride as I came down the stairs to find myself not in Tokyo but back in Bellville. I performed at the Africa's biggest gay nightclub Babylon, Centurion that night for the Halloween Party and was dully impressed by the attention to detail given to the decorations, the lights, the stage and the electrifying ambiance.
Unlike Rea Vaya the rapid transit system that  transports tens of thousands weekly from the Jozi CBD to Soweto and Southern Suburbs , the Gautrain buses resemble Cape Town's Flying Dutchman, the MyCiti bus from the City Centre to the Cape Town International: EMPTY.
The reason for this is just pure and plain buffoonery on the side of the Bombela Consortium which was entrusted to construct and run the Gautrain. Simply put, The Gautrain and the Buses are world class but fall short on their full potential. Why the hell would one have the Gautrain stop operating at 20h00 in Africa's version of "The City that Never Sleeps"?

That's like begging for the Tsotsis in neighbouring Alexandra to steal the the copper wires from Marlboro Station. And they have been doing it alot in the last 2 years given the leisurely 8hours gifted to the thieves to accomplish their ambition. In any case, this forces the many Joburg Gay boys headed to Babylon Centurion to either drink n drive or seek alternative accommodation with a one night stand in Tshwane. The City of Tshwane actually features the nightclub in its Billboard advertising the city as a great place to visit. I believe millions of Randelas would be made from nocturnal socialites between Johannesburg and Tshwane for both cities from the Taxi Cab industry, Nightclubs, Bars, Restaurants to Theatres and Hospitality industry.. The Gautrain's essential job of transporting business people and tourists to O.R. Tambo does not end at 20h00 as flights only stop  after midnight.
Now the Gautrain buses are just plain underused and diabolical to navigate. In essence the Gautrain ticketing system is based on the superbly well executed Oyster card system in London. The same system is to be implemented on Rea Vaya and has begun on the less egalitarian MyCiti. The system requires users to purchase enough money on their card to use the transport system. No money is exchanged between drivers and passengers as the card verifies entrance. Critics have said this is not viable or economical in "Third World". In Cape Town the DA run city was even believed to be in cahoots with ABSA bank, who provide the cards. The problem with the MyCiti and the Gautrain system is that the cards are not easily available. These transport cards should be as easy to purchase and top up as paying one''s TV License, from almost every shop, convenience store, supermarket and retail store available. but alas in Cape Town its only available at the Cape Town station or an ABSA bank and in Joburg at Harfield, Sandton, Rosebank and Joburg Station and maybe Pineslopes Spar when the vending machine is stocked n not out of order.

Where it really gets annoying is that the bus routes erroneously inconvenient, ill-advertised and promoted. Maps at the stations are complicated by off and on peak times changing, confusing navigators. No hand held maps are available for the full network. If one asks for assistance from the attendants/cashiers one is directed to the website or the not toll-free number. The voice over on the number is long and meandering with so many multiple choices  it makes Telkom's convoluted  pan pipe drone seem like a monkey puzzle for baby chimpanzees! The question is: Why copy one of the world's best transport systems and not execute it to its last detail?
Gauteng is in desperate need of public transport. Its the most densely over populated  urban area in South Africa. The minibus taxi industry is scary and dangerous driven by ruthless gangsters in dodgy jalopies. People would use the alternative even though its double the price, for peace of mind and safety. Like the Rea Vaya rapid transport system the Gautrain buses need dedicated bus lanes otherwise, whats the point? Imagine driving from Fourways to nearby Montecasino only to be stuck on William Nicol along with all the other  Doeses in cars for an hour while attempting to catch the Gautrain in Sandton to your offices at Momentum right next to Centurion station. You have a better chance of driving there to arrive on time defeating the whole purpose of public transport.

The Etoll system that has been constructed around Gauteng is a the same system that surrounds London. London has 1st class public transport system with the Oyster card working for both the Underground  Bus networks that are so extensive that people rarely walk more than 800m a day to work and back. The majority of London uses this network and those that use their cars are heavily fined by e-tolling because after the Cab system using ones own car is a luxury.
If the City of Joburg, the Bombela Consortium, Rea Vaya and the Gauteng Provincial Government cannot get the maximum usage, efficiency, synchronicity and potential from world class public transport  system they have just installed, how the hell does SANRAL, the Department of Transport, The Treasury and The Cabinet expect us to stomach more inefficency and incompetence in the name of Etolling.
Its not about the government duping the public about the Etoll booths. The truth is we saw these futuristic tolls getting built and did nothing until we saw how much we would pay for them. The public just didn't know what they were. Even those well heeled travellers  would only have encountered Etolling infrastructure as most travel by public transport in London, Paris, New York. I saw these futuristic booths while driving in a friend's brand new Porsche 911 from his slick Bachelor pad in Putney. This was back in 2009 and he was paying 80pounds a day for the privilege. Imagine my surprise when I passed under a similar system in Africa.

All these fancy toys from the Gautrain to Rea Vaya to Gautrain Buses and new Metro buses but none does its job well. Now the government wants adds another expensive toy to the list before its learned to master the ones it has already? I smell a rat. That is of a greedy spoilt child with too much money at its disposal and young parents too scared or not savvy enough to discipline the child.
Remember that old adage,"Spare the rod and spoil the child"
I think our young government is need of a little discipline round about now. New toys and gadgets come with major responsibility and require skill and care to ensure the child gets the most out of them before he gets another to play with. Even the old ones must not be neglected. We need to teach government to be frugal and efficient. All this "big pimpin" must come to an end.  Just because the oppressors before us "flossed" their wealth does not  mean its our turn to do the same.
Remember this old adage, "History repeats itself"

The French Revolution defeated the Ancien Regime and threw it out of the Palace of Versailles,  barely 10 years later they had Napoleon declare himself Emperor and living in the Louvre Palace.

 Uganda emancipated itself from the British with the Founding father Prime Minister Benedicto Kiwanuko, followed by President Milton Obote next came the Last King of Scotland, Idi "Big Dada" Amin and we all know how things fell apart.




Driving in Johannesburg is a neccessity not a luxury. For Johannesburg to be a World Class City as it advertises, it needs to get World Class Public Transport. And for that to happen I get a feeling Premier Nomvula "Mini-skirt" Mokonyane   may have to request a "GodZille" and ask the President for the Army to fight the Mini-bus Taxi industry.  Because we all know the gentrification of our public transport will require full co-operation of the Mini-bus Taxi Industry which presently transports most of the Gauteng population.

The move to Johannesburg has been hectic, a serious learning curve from the laid-back style of Cape Town. Cape Town thrives on informality, being in the "IN" group, knowing the right people, the art of cool repartee, the balance of smart casual.
Johannesburg is brutally direct, hilariously self-deprecating, business minded, focused on making things work, disarmingly friendly yet single minded (Money Talks) the energy is visceral and palpable there is a hunger to succeed, not to fit, but to exceed.

In Cape Town they ask you, "What school did you go to? Where are you from?"

In Johannesburg they ask you, "What do you do? What are you up to? Where are you going"

This is a tale of a love for two cities, for what they are, not what they are not. The love is deep and embedded in my love of my country.